One of the most common questions I get from guys is:
How can I last longer in bed?
Let’s be honest, this is one of those thoughts every guy has at some point in their life.
For some guys it’s a lot more than just wanting to appear more studly in the sack.
Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are serious issues that affect millions of men all over the world.
Today I’ll be covering what actually constitutes premature ejaculation, some common causes, as well as a variety of mental and physical things you can do to help improve your staying power in bed.
Table of Contents
It May Not Be as Bad as You Think
Most of the guys I’ve talked with about premature ejaculation have an unrealistic idea of how long they need to last.
The current generation of men grew up with instant and unlimited access to internet porn.
This has led to some serious misconceptions about what the average person’s sexual stamina looks like.
A study with over 5000 participants from around the world found the median length of time people spent having sex was a lot lower than you would think.
Are you ready for this?
Not the 20 and 30 minute long marathon sessions too many guys think is normal.
For most people 3 to 7 minutes is considered a perfectly acceptable sexual encounter, especially when paired with effective foreplay.
As long as you and your partner are happy with your lovemaking there’s nothing wrong with lasting shorter times than this.
Causes of Premature Ejaculation
One of the tricky things about sexual stamina and premature ejaculation is how hard they are to pin down. There are a lot of different things that can cause PE, including:
- Poor Self-Esteem
- Being Worried About Premature Ejaculation
- General Sexual Anxiety
- Feelings of Guilt or Shame About Sex
- Previous Sexual Trauma or Abuse
- Abnormal Hormone Levels
Some of these are physical and some are psychological.
I generally recommend guys reflect on their own situation and see if any of these possible causes jump out at them.
11 Ways to Cure Premature Ejaculation: Tips, Tricks and Toys to Last Longer in Bed
Mental Exercises and Personal Fixes
Many of the biggest reasons guys don’t last as long as they'd like are in their heads.
Thankfully there are several effective ways to help manage lack of stamina caused by things like stress, pressure to perform, anxiety or other mental issues.
1. Take Yourself Out of the Moment
Most guys will remember their first time forever.
One of the things they might not like to remember about it is that it didn’t last nearly as long as they hoped it would.
That mix of incredible excitement and arousal doesn’t create great conditions for stamina.
The same advice you likely received then from an older brother or friend applies now:
Take yourself out of the moment.
Don’t think about how it feels or how incredibly sexy your partner is.
Think about that test you’re taking in a few days, or the report you were working on for your boss.
Let the intense sexuality of the moment mix with a boring, everyday thought to help extend your time before ejaculation.
For a lot of guys this is all it will take to noticeably extend their stamina.
2. Talk With Your Partner
If you’re experiencing stamina issues because of anxiety or perceived pressure to perform, sit down with your partner and have a heart to heart about it.
Don’t make it sound like an apology or an accusation.
Let them know that you’re having difficulties and ask them how they feel.
In a healthy relationship your partner is your best source of support and comfort.
Just hearing them tell you that it’s okay might be enough to knock you out of your funk.
If it’s an issue of stimulation there are things they can do that make it easier for you to hold off.
One of the best ways is to try new positions that don’t give you quite such an intense amount of stimulation.
You might also talk about incorporating more foreplay into your lovemaking to make sure that they’re also fully satisfied.
Consider incorporating a clitoral vibrator into your routine to help prolong the session. Your partner might really like this.
3. Work on Relieving Stress
Stress is a funny thing.
It’s a mental issue, yet it can have all kinds of negative physical effects.
One of the most common reactions people have to stress is loss of sexual desire or failure to perform.
If you’re worried about a project at work or generally stressed out about life it can be really hard to get yourself in the right mindset for sex.
What makes things really ironic is that sex can also be one of the best stress relievers.
Stress generally manifests in your sex life through erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
Once it happens it can become a self-feeding issue, with anxiety building up around it.
Instead of helping you destress sex becomes a source of stress.
Exercises and Activities
4. Exercise Regularly
Sex is a full body activity.
While reports that sex burns as many calories as a workout have been exaggerated, it’s still easier and more satisfying when you’re generally physically fit.
If you’ve been experiencing issues with your performance in bed, try to improve your overall fitness.
It will improve your general feeling of wellness, give you greater energy, and help improve your self esteem.
Working out is also a great way to increase your aptitude for more, shall we say, athletic sex.
Trying new positions is a great way to add a little more magic to lovemaking with your partner and let you find ones that don’t immediately push you to the edge.
5. Pelvic Floor Exercises
If you want to gain more precise control over when and how you orgasm, pelvic floor exercises, commonly referred to as Kegels, are a great place to start.
The pubococcygeus (PC) muscles are one of the primary muscle groups that control urination and ejaculation.
By regularly performing Kegel exercises you give yourself more control over your ejaculation.
Even better is how easy they are to perform:
- When you first get started with Kegels try and tighten your muscles in the way you would if you were trying to stop peeing.
- Once you have that feeling down you should do it whenever you find the time, with 3 second contractions followed by 3 seconds of rest.
If you’re otherwise healthy and able to perform, this can go a long way towards improving your physical stamina for sex.
6. Practice, Practice, Practice
For younger guys experiencing premature ejaculation inexperience can be a big contribution factor.
Sex, like anything in life, is a skill you have to learn.
Don’t worry I’m not trying to throw any shade at your technique.
As any guy can tell you sex feels good, really, really good.
If most of your sexual experience comes from masturbating you’re probably not well practiced at holding back.
The majority of guys go full speed ahead when masturbating and make no attempt to control when they finish.
That’s great when you want to relax quickly before bed, but not so great when you’re with a partner and want to extend your playtime.
Start by practicing stopping right before you cum.
You want to figure out how close you can get and still maintain control.
Once you’ve figured that out you’re ready to start building up your ability to back off near the edge.
Products That Can Help Build Stamina
7. Stamina Training Toys
When you’re training yourself to increase stamina just using your hand doesn’t always cut it.
It feels great, sure, but it doesn’t give you the same realism that a properly designed male masturbator provides.
Fleshlight Pink Lady Stamina Training Unit
If we’re talking stamina training toys the gold standard is undoubtedly the Fleshlight Lady line, especially the Pink Lady.
It’s designed to provide constant, almost unbearable stimulation while you masturbate. Key features include:
- Highly textured inner sleeve.
- Realistic vaginal opening.
- Studded with numerous teasing nubs to increase arousal.
- Easy to disassemble and clean.
- Built into a discreet and easy to hold plastic case.
The Pink Lady is one of the most intensely stimulating Fleshlights available.
Unlike other male masturbators designed to slowly build you up to peak arousal the Pink Lady jumps to 11 instantly.
Instead of a series of different textures and patterns within the inner sleeve the Pink Lady is designed to provide constant contact.
When properly warmed and lubed up it’s hard to describe how good it feels.
Suffice it to say that you’ll find yourself close to bursting within a few minutes of getting started.
This makes the Pink Lady perfect for training yourself on how to recognize the point of no return and keep yourself there.
You can practice building your arousal while highly stimulated and figure out what methods work for you to stop an orgasm.
If you really want to take it to the next level combine the Lady with the Fleshlight Launch by Kiiroo.
It gives you a fully automated masturbation experience and allows you to totally immerse yourself in your fantasies while practicing.
8. Orgasm Delaying Lubes and Sprays
Aside from physical products for training and extending your experience there are lots of useful lubes and sprays that can help.
The most common are numbing lubes, lotions, and sprays.
Doc Johnson Sta-Erect Delay Cream
Doc Johnson is a well known name in the adult toy world.
They produce a wide range of novelty items, sex toys, and other great adult products.
Their Sta-Erect delay cream is designed to help desensitize your penis to extend your stamina. Key features include:
- Tasteless and free from odor.
- Requires just a small dab.
- 7.5% benzocaine for comfortable desensitizing action.
Sta-Erect is designed to go on about 10 minutes before you begin to play.
It reduces the sensation on your penis without the dulling the pleasure you’ll enjoy.
This allows you to extend your play time if you often find yourself overstimulated.
Lovehoney Stay Delay Spray
I’ve consistently been impressed with the quality of Lovehoney’s in-house products.
Their Stay Delay spray is designed to provide gentle desensitization to the head of your penis. Key features include:
- Relies on St. John’s Wort for numbing.
- Sprays on quickly and easily.
- Provides effective numbing without the loss of pleasure.
Unlike creams or lotions the Stay Spray can be misted right on the head of your penis.
It allows you to thoroughly coat it before sex and is formulated to absorb quickly.
Stay Spray provides a less noticeable numbing effect that medicated lubes but still does a good job at reducing overstimulation.
This one would seem pretty obvious but one of the best ways to help with premature ejaculation is to wear a condom.
When you’re having unprotected sex every sensation is just a little bit more intense.
And no, I’m not saying condoms really do ‘ruin’ sensations for the guy.
What they can do is reduce your sensitivity a little bit and help you learn to pace yourself.
Know When to Call the Experts
If you’ve tried mental exercises, helpful products and other personal remedies it’s time to seek out professional help.
Lack of sexual stamina due to erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation can be signs of more serious conditions.
Talk to your doctor and make sure everything is alright.
Once you get a clean bill of health they can usually offer several good options to help with ED or PE.
The most common type of drugs prescribed are phosphodiesterase inhibitors, including:
- Sildenafil (Viagra)
- Vardenafil (Levitra)
- Tadalafil (Cialis)
These are more commonly prescribed for erectile dysfunction but can also help with premature ejaculation.
These trigger certain reactions within the body that cause an erection without fail.
If getting and staying hard can be an issue for you this is a great way to manage your symptoms.
11. Supplements and Male Enhancement Pills
If you’re more of an alternative medicine kind of guy there are tons of supplements, herbs, and male enhancement pills available.
Different types promise different results but generally are made up of some combination of ingredients like:
- Horny Goats Weed
- Red Korean Ginseng
Manufacturers claim these can help increase the production of testosterone which can help increase libido and staying power.
Most supplements for improving sexual stamina also advertise that they will increase the length and thickness of your penis.
I’m not convinced of the science behind that claim but many do seem to help guys with their sexual stamina.
Some well-regarded male enhancement pills include:
- Male Extra
For most guys a little practice and some effective mental tricks are enough to greatly improve sexual stamina.
If you’ve tried the thought exercises and put in the hours, there are plenty of toys, lubes, and other products available to help.
If all else fails, please consider seeing a professional, or review the supplements mentioned above.
We’re 20 odd years into the 3rd Millennium, there’s no reason for guys to suffer in silence when help is readily available.